~~Helen and Diana... we make German movies FUN!~~


***The movie for tonight: The Nasty Girl, a german film with subtitles about a girl trying to learn about her town's nazi past****



*Children all stand up and chant a greeting to their teacher*
"UHH! NAZIS!!!"--Helen


"The Catholic church was determined to hide my mother from the children..."--Movie



*Girl pushes over baby cradle*
"DO IT AGAIN!! AGAIN!!"--Diana


"She'll bring home all sorts of diseases!"


"OOOH! COMMIES!"--Helen




"Military Junta!"--Diana

Er ist der Mann mit 100 Unterwäsche

*scene of a math class*
"Wa? Sine and Cosine?"--Helen
"It's like an extention of the United States"--Diana


"Imagine if we went to a girls' school"--Helen



(The girls are talking about how they're going to have a MALE math teacher come to their school..)

"We'll stare at his eyes until he's forced to look away"
"We could stare somewhere else on him too"



"oooooooh! a man!"--Diana




Writing seen written on the board: "weg(part not seen because the teacher is in the way) s
"Wegmans??"--Helen/Diana


"Wegmus must go!"


"The girl with the braid on the top of her head.... watch... watch.... w- THAT ONE!"--Helen


"What happens when two bodies rub against eachother?"--Mr. Wegmus (the math teacher in the movie)
*snort*
"When they rub together, a certain resistance must be overcome"--Mr. Wegmus


"Brausbad?"--Helen
"Ahh, yes, the only german word we know.."-Diana


"Oh, that's nice, light your cigarette with the vigil candle"--Diana



"Why do they worship the tree?"--Diana



*Sonya and her mother pound on the bus as it drives away*
"how am I going to get to school"
*Mr. Wegmus drives up*
"Hey ladies, how about a ride?"--Helen


*Sonya gets into the car*
"Here, let me give you my daughter"--Diana


"I could give you a ride more often..."--Mr. Wegmus
*puts his hand on her knee*
"I don't think my mother would allow that"--Sonya
"Why can't our math teacher be like that?"--Helen




"Dear tree, you've helped me so often"--Sonya



Local Doctor: If I'd known you'd be famous, I'd have preserved your appendix in alcohol.





"Can we be on a first name basis?"--Mr. Wegmus
"certainly"--Sonya
"I'm Martin"--Mr. Wegmus
"I'm twelve"--Diana



*sonya is on the phone with her mom, she's by herself in a hotel room on a trip to france*

"Yes, I've located the fire escape.."--Sonya
"...and I'm watching porn"--Diana
"a porn that was filmed in my room"--Helen


*mr wegmus kisses sonya*
"You're now engaged... don't tell anyone"
"Ok"

"hey, that kid's cute, marry him... at least I think it was a boy"--Helen





*scene of sonya swimming naked in a pool*
*it's over in five seconds and it goes back to normal talking*


"What the hell was the point of that scene?"--Diana



"Martin..."--Sonya
"Sonya..."--Martin
"Mr. Novrocki..."--Diana


"Welcome to the nazi chocolate factory"--Diana



"old people are tough"--movie



"What this dump needs is a bomb"--Drunk german guy



"oh my god... they're getting married!"--Diana
"oh Mr. Novrocki, I do!"--Helen



"The member of the jewish race put them in a trance by stroking them up and down"

"Dirty, dirty movie!"--Diana
"That's because it's european"--Helen


"Libenstraum"
*helen and Diana exchange meaningful look*



"Charlie had inherited the chocolate factory"--Movie



"grandma went senile, you can look at the papers now"--Diana



"dude, I'd slap my mom back... 'you want it that way?? .... WABAM!'"--Helen


"There's a CAT CRUCIFIED ON THE DOOR!!"--Helen


"if you research the nazis, we'll crucify your cat"--Helen



"Cat break"--Helen
"After seeing that, we felt the need to hug the cats"--Diana



"if you keep sticking your nose in our business, you will suffer...... and so will your children"--movie
"anyone who names their kids Sarah and Rebecca isn't a real german!"--Movie
"commie bitch!"--Movie



"They're the ones with the underpants"--Movie


"it's nice and warm here"--Movie
"The house is on fire"--Diana


"Almighty god, bless our weapons"


*girl gets slapped*
"Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout"--Helen
"It's all about technique... hold the baby with one hand... slap some girl in the face with the other"--Diana


"oooooh, treee... help me!"--Helen





"things like this are scary when you're eight"--Helen
"who is eating?"--Diana


"I love how they're always sparkeling... even when they're sad"--Diana
"of course, they're magical"--Helen