***DISTRICTS 2004***

*Out to eat @ Ollies*

"I'm sure they're really excited to see us"--Mrs. Woj
"Where's that girl who tips well even though I have no teeth?"--Diana



"FREE MAYONNAISE??..... oh... fat free"--Diana



"Are you getting a salad? I think you have to go to the bar and get it yourself"--Helen
"No, because she asked me what kind of dressing I want"--Diana
"Maybe she was just really friendly... 'so, in your opinion...'"--Helen



Stacey (to Helen): "You remind me of someone... but who?"
"Me"--Diana
"Yeah, that's pretty creepy... let's just say I've formed my personality off of Diana"--Helen


"What do you think they'd do if I just ordered a cucumber... I'd just like a cucumber... I'm on a diet"--Helen


"You could benefit from shorthand classes"--Stacey (watching me try to write quotes)
"You should make up your own code... YOU SHOULD USE HIEROGLYPHICS!"--Helen
"Yeah, because that would be faster"--Diana


*makes annoying sipping sound with her straw*
"I'm hoping that if I do it loud enough, they'll hear me"--Helen
*girl comes by; gives her more soda*
"That's the kind of service I like"--Helen



"Stacey Didn't even complain when she ran out of drink"--Helen
"Helen made annoying sipping noises... and then she choked on some ice"--Diana

"A lot of ice, actually... the good thing about choking on ice is that you can't choke on it.... because it will melt"--Helen
"Yeah, especially if you're... really... warm"--Diana
"Wow, you really screwed that joke up"--Helen
"I was going to say esp if you're hot, but then I was like 'wait a minute! Helen's not hot!' "--Diana


"Kings College has good pickles... so if you're choosing your schools by pickle status..."--Helen



*Helen starts spelling things with her fries*
"THANKS!... oh.... it says thaks."--Helen


*Diana throws marshmallows @ Dale for him to catch in his mouth*
"Throw them lightly so that I can catch them on my *points to his nose* chin"--Dale


"What are you, a seal?"
"I am a navy seal"--Dale



"What I like about kix is that they're for everybody"--Dale
"unlike trix"--Helen



"They put bars on the door handles so we can't leave"--Helen
"It says life to remove... let's just go lift it. ... wait.... it's so people can't get in!"--Dale



"What herb calms you down?"--Conductor
"Ginseng?"
"Marijuana?"


"Now... let's hear this vomit coming from the violin section"--Conductor


*Trey starts playing his solo* *stops suddenly* "UUUUH!"


*grabs viola from second chair*
*tunes it* --Conductor
"I'm sorry, died that offend you?"--Conductor
"I'm going to therapy now, I'm trying to get better"--Conductor


"These pineapples suck...they're like water apples"--Helen



"Is that Jesus?"--Helen
"Oh my god... maybe he just keeps failing, silly Jesus"--Diana


(we had "chicken pretzels for lunch)
"Are they pretzels in the shape of chickens?"



*some creepy lady walks up to our table*
"Anyone here named Megan?"


"She comes over and goes 'anyone here named Megan?' and then she'd whip a gun out of her trench coat and ... 'BAM!'....'anyone else?' "--Dale



"She's coming back! get under the table!"--Dale



"Steve Finkelstein makes me vomit vowels"--Dale


*napkin conversation*
"DIANA IS NOT HOT"--Dale
"DIANA ISN'T NOT UNHOT"--Dale
"DIANA ISN'T NOT UNHOT"--Diana
"DIANA ISN'T NOT NON-UNHOT"--Dale
*/napkin conversation*

*other napkin conversation*
"Animals are people too... don't eat people"--Dale
"Dale isn't people"--Diana
"Diana isn't nice"--Dale
"I love Dale"--Diana
"I hate doogs"--Dale


*mandatory dance*

"Albanian poker"--Matt


"Uh-ra-bic letters"--Dale


"Let's take it from L... we can all go to L"--Conductor
"GO TO L!"--Conductor



"a 5 and an 8... that's what? 13? That beats a queen"--Dale



*the lights turn off*
*They turn back on*
"I would have started killing people and no one would have known who it was"


*Matt tries to read the quotenapkin*
"Just try to read my handwriting... it's in code... Diana code"--Diana


"Dale.. why did that trumpet get kicked off stage?"--Helen
"because he's so SEXY"--Dale


"I remember last year when I gave my cello to Dale to play with.. I swear if I gave him 20 more minutes, he would have been better than I was"--Diana
"Hey matt, remember that time I beat you at the cello?"--Dale

"For the rest of that week, everyone was like 'ooh, matt, you're worse than dale at the cello' "--Dale


"And we made him wear a sign on his back: 'worse than Dale at the cello' "--Dale


"I can't believe we have to be at this dance... I could be studying... I'M MISSING MONK!"--Helen
"I miss my cello *makes crying face*"--Matt


*matt and Diana play hangman (the answer is "Helen loves the Jesus")*

"LO_ES"
"... That can't be the verb... unless you're spelling loses with a Z"--Matt

*Diana writes the last letter in upside-down*
"That's a backwards J!"--Matt
*Diana tries to fix it*
"Now it's PI !!"--Matt

"Does anyone want to hear my story about how you turn a cello bow into a dangerous weapon?"--Matt
"I'm listening"--Diana
"You put a razor blade on the end of it... and if you're 6th chair, at the end of a phrase, you just... WHAM"--Matt
"You can also win fights with it"--Matt


*grabs the quote napkin*
"I have to check for accuracy"--Matt


"It's a Cyclops?"--Diana
"Yeah, I find that cuter"--Matt


*someone tries to read the quote napkin*
"HEY! she has to write that down!"--Matt


"how am I supposed to check for accuracy if you write down everything I say?"--Matt
*grabs pen*--Diana
"Don't you dare"--Matt



*draws a face on his finger*
"I have a friend... YAY!"--Matt


*YMCA comes on*
"Come on, dance!... We're spelling PMEA!"--Harry


"Didn't you know that in the game we're playing 3s are wild over Aces?"--Dale



*looks at his finger*
"Aww, he's smiling at me"--Matt



"IT was so cold... my nipples were like... THIS BIG"--Dale


*Diana and Matt play Othello with black and white m&ms*
"Eat all the whites... that way I win"--Matt


"STOP EATING THE PIECES! .. those are covered with matt's germy finger juice!"--Diana
"germy finger juice? I drink that with breakfast"--Matt



"Kurt, I just totally nailed a spanish test with a 36!"--Zach
*they high five*
"Wait.. out of what?"--Kurt
"100"--Zach


*we were going over multiple choice questions in history*
"Did you hear what gorman said? he said O"
"Well, C is half of an O"--Frank


"I should be dead... legally anyway"--Kurt



"Logarithmic Functions"
"Sweet"--John



*college assembly of fun*
"What if you're a junior AND a parent?"--Helen


(as she's filling out the religion section) "other.... Jedi"--Helen


"If you're black... don't send in a picture"--Robin


"You can't go to college because you're black"--Robin

"And I know you're thinking 'what is it that I can do to get into college?' "--College lady
"Stop being black"--Robin


"I was hoping that I could be your Castro"--College lady


"Hinton Helper... like hamburger helper... only Hinton"--Mrs. Giza


"Lincoln was indeed born in a log cabin"--Mrs. Giza
"Ohhh. that's why they call them Lincoln Logs"--Gorman
"...go back to sleep"--Mrs. Giza



"Here, Dane, I wrote you a song... actually I found it in the hallway and I'm going to sing it to you"--Zach



"You just slapped me in the face with a fry!... and now you're eating it!"--Luke
"I trust where your face has been"--Zach


"What?? I sit down and the first thing I hear is 'I trust where your face has been'"--Kate



"Whitman loved anyone who experimented with the poetic form. He'd love Diana........ as a poet"--Mr. Jones


"See, that's why you can't give us colored folks your shiny ass lotion"--Robin