“Katie, why don’t you come with us to regionals?”-Diana
“You should have told me last night, I would have packed.”—Katie

“I wonder who is holding the magic wand”—Diana
“Who is holding the magic wand?”—Helen
“We’ll have to connect the dots to find out!”—Diana

“I hate the French”—Kate
“But it’s pretty”—Diana
“Yeah, if you changed it to Fleur Di Liberty”—Kate

“Katie! You can’t fill out the cellist!”—Diana
“Now we know why the elf has his hands full!”—Helen

“Isn’t it a rule in college to leave if the teacher doesn’t show up?”—Kate
“Yeah…”
“We should invoke that rule”—Kate

“You have better eyesight than Katie? You’re like a mutant, Laura”—Helen

“The jewish clowns were talking to us!”—Helen
“I missed the jewish clowns?!”—Diana
“Yeah you missed some good jewish clown fun”—Helen
“I walked the same way and they didn’t say anything to me”—Kate
“They talked to us”—Helen
“That’s because of your purple jewish hair”—Diana

“I’m not going to be here tomorrow or Friday”—Diana
“A day without Diana is like a day without sunshine… or air or little tiny flowers”—Zach

“I hope we go to Ollies”—Diana
“Yeah, I want some pancakes pre-syruped”—Helen
“Make sure you order them without syrup, so then it will come with a normal amount of it”—Diana
“Yeah, otherwise it’d be like having syrup soup”—Helen

“oh my god! Country store? I could have gotten them a rockingchair!”—Helen

“What the hell is chicken fried chicken”—Diana

“Sprite goes well with French Toast”—Helen

“I’d like that doubly chicken fried”—Andrew

“Helen, you’re such an ‘eg-no-ra-moose’”—Diana

“Oh my god, I’m getting a gnome!”—Helen
“Legend has it that gnomes are a symbol of hope, luck, and goodwill”—Helen

“Oh my god, It’s ashokan farewell!”—Helen
“No it’s not, just don’t listen!”—Diana
“It’s the countrified version!”—Helen

“They’re my mom’s glasses”—Dave
“...why are you wearing your mom’s glasses?”

“I’m super smart, I just needed someone to explain that to me”—Diana

“It’s a heart attack on a bar!”—Andrew

“We get our own syrup bottles... our own!”—Kristina
“It’s like a mini bottle of alcohol... for my toast!”—Helen

“The syrup... it tasted burning...”—Helen

“Butter is my life”

“I was going to ask you if you were a vegan, but I realized you got French toast”—Stacey
“...I’m also eating bacon”—Helen

“We should have pretended that we were from Mid Valley... ‘I’m from Mid Valley, honest... I don’t know who those other imposters are’”—Helen

“Dave should eat the ball of butter”—Diana

“Ok, Dave, it’s me and you... I’m gonna slaughter you in just three short moves”—Diana

“ooooooooooooohhhhhhh, livin on a prayer!”—Helen

“Oh my god, this entryway is really nice, I feel like I’m in a mall”—Helen

“On the box it says 49 flavors... and on the sign it says 50.. Someone’s lying”—Dave
“They just spit in every box and call it 50”—Diana

“What the hell is that?”—Dave
“I think it’s the PMEA flag”—Helen
“Do you think they’d notice if I stuffed it under the stage?”—Dave
“Put it on like a cape”—Diana
“And then what?”—Dave
“Frolic”—Diana


”Dave, I kicked your ass in checkers”—Diana

“Last year, I hated my host family... they were cheerleaders, and the dad was a football coach.. and they made me sleep under a severed deer head”—Diana

“Like, I don’t care if you hunt and stuff but don’t make me sleep under your game”—Diana

“It was so close to my bed... that I could see each individual hair.. and, seriously, I was thinking ‘this thing was alive once frolicking around and this guy shot it, lopped off it’s head, stuffed it, shoved marbles in it’s eye sockets and hung it over my bed’”—Diana

“I want one of these! But I have a tendency to make white things grey”—Diana
“What the hell does that say? ‘I have a tendering to turn white things gulley?’”—Helen

“It’s Harry!”—Diana
“It’s HARRY!”—Helen
“It’s... me?”—Harry

“It’s a me! Harri—son”—Andrew/Helen

“Helen, from now on all you’re good for is ironing, cooking, and making babies”--Diana
“Did you guys just say you want to have babies?”—John
“Not just any babies...”—Helen
“Dave’s Babies”—Diana

“I want to read it, I love the quote book”—Helen

“What? You can’t go out of order! It messes up the story!”—Helen

“They sound like kazoos”—Emily

“That’s my leg!”—Harry
“ANDREW?!”—Diana

“You know who I don’t like? My stand partner”—Helen

“Lesbians are cool”—CSP (Crazy Stand Partner—the guy who was stalking Helen)

“Yeah, Helen, but it’s too bad you’re gay”—Diana
“You’re gay?”—CSP
*Sounds of Diana dying inside with laughter*

“May I escort you to dinner?”—CSP to Helen

“Nothing really funny was said at dinner because that was just really awkward”—Helen

“He’s really scary, he’s like right out of the 1700’s”—Helen

“Ladies and gentlemen, Robert E. Lee”—Helen
“Ulysseys S. Grant”—Diana

“He looks like Captain Ahab”—Erik
“Well, after Moby Dick, I took up conducting...”—Erik

“He looks like Elliot Del Borgo”—Diana
“At least all of the pieces we’re playing aren’t his”--Helen
“TUNE IN!”

“Someone said he looks like the guy from planet of the apes”
“Dumbledor”—Emily
“Gandalf”

*end of making fun of conductor section*

“Why don’t you just wait until he says something funny and be like ‘oh, I should tell that to my boyfriend’”—Andrew (trying to help Helen get rid of CSP)
“Or you could just pretend that you’re deaf in your left ear”—Harry

“It’s got a little penguin on it, ...I mean, how cute can you get?”-Helen

“He’s all wrinkely now, he’s turned into a real dwarf”—Helen (about the guy who plays gimli)

“That kid’s like Zach Kraynak on real drugs”—Helen

“What’s that guy’s name? Go-Tard?”—Diana

“Oh, helen, I love you almost as much as I love Vegeta”--Diana
“Shut”—Helen

“When’s our next break?—Helen (right as we break)

“Fructose”—Dave
“Fructose”—Harry
“Do you speak to your mother with that mouth?”—Dave
“...fructose, mom... fructose”—Harry

“This stuff is 6% vitamin A... There’s just this layer of vitamins sitting on the bottom”—Dave

“oww”—Andrew (as john throws something at him)
“What do you mean oww? It’s a nutrigrain bar, it’s supposed to be good for you!”—John

“When’s our first break?”—Diana (before we even begin)

(Dave get’s iced tea all over him)
“Dave’s twitching again”—Diana
“oh Davey!”—Helen
“Oh Davey, you got hosed”—Diana

“It was only half a pound”—John
“Half a pound? That’s a huge bar”—Helen

“I’m a super smart genious with an IQ of 135”—John
“.... that’s not very high...”—Harry

“That kid creeps the bejesus out of me”—Helen (about john... by the way, John didn’t shower the entire time we were at regionals... he also wore the same shirt everyday. ... even under his tux)

“I can’t color the rest of this with one crayon! It defeats the purpose of color by number!”—Helen

“Am I obnoxious?”—Erik

“Those people from Abington Heights are weird, they’re all massaging eachother in lines”—Helen
“They’re like monkeys”—Diana

“Can’t touch me, I have the Schroeder”—Diana

“I told you, I’m deaf in my left ear!”—Helen

“I wonder what’s on the menu tonight... leftover chuck wagon steak”—Diana

“That just sounded like a love quote”

“Don’t people say Heyna where you’re from?”—Harry
“We’re from the same place”—Helen

“eww... you’re spitting on me”—Helen

“I didn’t know I had to write four... I just heard blah blah blah blah blah... BLAH!”—Dave
“Oh Davey”
“Oh davey boy... the lights... the lights are calling”—Helen and Diana

“Can we have a big bonfire of scores?”—Helen

“Helen watches anime porn”—Diana
“Well actually..”—Helen

“Dave, pull up your pants!”—Diana

(Quote we can’t read...)
“With your (illegible word)”
“plube?”
“plink?”
“plinte?”

“Dave, I love you”—Helen
“Thanks”—Dave
“Dave you have to say it back, or it’s not believable”—Diana
“Helen, I love you”—Dave

“you’re just a massage whore, aren’t you?”—Helen

“you’re not punk enough, I mean... you’re wearing a Julliard shirt”—Helen

“Everyone’s like ‘you look like a cute little penguin’”—Erik
“ohhh, you do! I wish I could fly”—Helen

“oh look, it’s the WV wasters”—Erik
“it’s the WV oysters”—Some viola
“now we’ve gone from waste... to oysters”—Diana
“I think we should have a fight, Abington vs Wasters”

“that’s a good beginning to a story..’so I was at the cracker barrel...”—Helen
“I was at the Cracker Barrel and I ate fish skin... it was squishy... really it was!”—Dave

“And you’re carrying a pillow and a pig around”

“Helen, will you be my lesbian lover?”—Diana
“Yes, yes I will”—Helen

(Helen talking to Andrew about how to talk in a large group of people)
“You just have to put yourself into conversations... like this: HARRY! You’re such a DIRTY WHORE!”
“I try”—Harry

“Harry abandoned us for the Abington Heights kids”—Helen

“Who are they going to feed it to? The goats?... actually, that would be a good idea, you can raise a goat on this stuff”—Helen

“you enjoying that pizza, sweetie”—John (to dave)
“needs salt... wait did you just call me sweetie?”—Dave

“It’s like a tennis match!”

“Canadians, it’s like a mixture of Clive Mitchell and some French person”-John

“Gee, Helen... thanks for your nasty stick that you slobbered all over”—Diana

“Rutters has some milk problems”
“He just flicked the blue bunny!”—Dave

“I thought that was some crazy pickup line... ‘hey, is there a turkey hill by your house?”—Helen

“Harry, wanna switch rooms?”—Dave
“what? .... oh I thought you said ‘do you want some shrooms’”—Harry

“Dude, it really is pudding!”—John (about his frozen pudding)
“Yeah, it’s frozen................. and you have peas on it”—Harry

“it’s like a shield protected Harry from the Blue Bunny!”—Helen
“Yeah, it’s called aerodynamics”—Harry

*sneezes*
“I almost spit out my mint”—Helen

“Number three? A blind squirrel could do number three!”—Mr. L

“What would you do if Mr. L just came out from behind the corner and was like ‘SRAIGHT EDGE!’”—Helen

“oh my god he was like ‘well, there are actually two types of anime’....................... and I was like ‘which one do you think I’M talking about?”—Helen

“Katie! I love your pants!”—Helen
“Watch out, she’ll hit you with it”—Laura
“with her pants?”—Helen

“Randy, why are you humping Kurt?”—Helen

Helen’s thoughts on the Quote book: “It’s not totally funny until you read it on the internet and then you laugh and your parents are like ... ‘what the..’”

“German’s a funny language ... let’s face it... Luftawaffe?”—Katie

“42 is just a good number... I’m surprised I haven’t mentioned it before..”—Kate
“You have”—Helen

“Are you writing that down? Everytime I look over at Helen she’s writing something down”—Kate

“look! It’s the stupid kids! They’ve escaped!”—Diana

“Can I just have it?”—Helen
“only if you keep up the sacred duty of the quote book”—Diana

“I drew a circle and turned it into France”—Diana

“My hair looks like a hobo”—Kate
“Not a hobo’s hair... the whole hobo”—Diana

“Did any of you guys see the movie Casablanca?”—Kate
“...no”
“then consider this conversation over”—Kate

“Oh, I thought you said Moustache”—Diana
“Ms. Salley’s Mustaches”--Helen

“Andrew’s pants that he wore yesterday were $1.50 ... the pencil that he took the test in was worth more than his pants”—Diana

*HELEN AND DIANA’S WRITTEN CONVERSATION*
hey Helen, what’s up?--Diana
nothing much, Mussolini just finished his test—Helen
oh my god! I found my plastic watch thingie... you know those clear circles that they put over the face when it’s new so it doesn’t scratch? Well I have mine! I though I was lost forever!—Diana
You took five minutes just to write that? I thought you had something important to say—Helen

“There’s six minutes left... go eat another lunch”—Mr. Faust to Kutney

“is today Tuesday?... holy crap it IS Tuesday!”—Helen

“I hate wearing pants”—Diana

“I think my project is great... I don’t care what my dad says about feudalism”—Helen

“I just want to frolic around in the buff”—Diana

“Dammit Helen, you’re not writing down all the hilarity”—Diana (Helen still had the quote book duties)

“Do you want to see a picture of Michael Reagan? He’s fat”—Diana

“That would be hilarious if you dressed up as an aborigine for History Day”—Helen
“Wait.. I wouldn’t be wearing any clothes”—Diana

“What causes kids to act that way?”—Diana
“You know that commercial about the egg and the frying pan?”—Mrs. Wills

END OF HELEN’S QUOTE BOOK REIGN

“why are you tan?”—Diana
“why AM I tan?”—Helen

*drug assembly*

“I hope we get to see pictures of lung cancer... I love lung cancer”—Helen

“Oh! It’s a wombat! WOMBAT!”—Helen

“Sometimes crocs take ecstasy”—Andrew

“we have a short film on heroin...”—Mr. W
“involving wombats”—Helen

“Kevin’s the light whore”--Diana

“There’s nothing worse than being a good looking guy and not being able to smile”—Ugly guy on heroin movie
“oh my god, that’s like Gorman saying it”—Doug

“The crow: heroin addict”—Heroin movie

“I think the camera guy is on drugs”—Diana

“Philadelphia is the heroin capitol of the country”—Drug Lady
“Road trip”—Helen
“what is this magical drug land of which you speak?”—Diana

“I think the large intestines could take on the skin”—Helen

“If you peeled all of your skin off and mashed it into a ball, would it be bigger than your brain?”—Diana
“.. it’d be really scary”—Zach

“It will knock your socks off”—Drug lady (about drugs...duh)

“I think I’m going to hack up a lung”—Helen

“A day without Dane is like a day without radiation poisioning”—Helen

“We should have a picnic”—Helen
“We should have a picnic with Franco”—Diana
“Without pens”—Helen
“We should make a documentary...a picnic with franco”—Diana

“It’s the black shirts! FASCISTS!”—Helen

“I’ll sabotage the musical by paying the singers to sing ‘Helen’ instead of ‘mame’”—Helen

“That’s it! Make a musical about me!”—Helen
“Hey Helen, you make the cotton easy to pick”—Diana
“When I first heard about the musical I was like ‘maim!!’ you know, like to maim someone... but then I found out it was mame”—Helen

“What is that?”—Jason
“It looks like one of those fabric softener sheets you put in the dryer”—Helen
“maybe it came out of my pants”—Jason
*picks it up and sniffs it*

“God bless thee!”—Helen

“What is the most important sphere?”—Mr. L
“Earth!”—Kurt

“Oh my god, woj thinks we care”—Diana

“Helen got to go to Italy... I was going to go to the olive garden, but it was too busy”—Kate

“What? Your Italian lover’s shadow?”

“ANARKY! Rage against Sorento!”—wall in italy

“I’m gonna kick Joe shock’s ASS”—Helen
*class goes silent*

“I got worms”—Frank

“What would you do if I did an interpretive dance right now?”—Howard
“Howard was going to do a dance down the hallway”—Laura
“I was going to frolic”—Howard
“Obviously, Howard is a Coward”—Kate
“...erm”—Diana

“I put down a 2 for all of them”—Joe (about his homework)

“I’m not used to people I don’t know being kind, I just don’t know what to do”—Helen

“wanna go make a CD?”—Diana
“we could be like the dixi chicks with a violin and a cello... except not country”—Helen
“hmm, who else could be in our band?... we need someone who can write music... MRS. SUPPLEE!”—Diana

“Sculptures lie!”—Katie
“Roman sculptures don’t lie!”—Helen

“Oh my god! Naked people with grapes on their heads... it reminds me of my childhood”—Diana

“As the little form of Diana is crushed under Kurt”

“Come on ladies..”—Some teacher
“I’M NOT A LADY!”—Dan
“I’m not a lady?”—Kate
“I’m NOT a lady”—Dan

“go kill yourself”—Helen
“If I kill myself, I’ll kill you first!”—Frank
“You wont”—Helen

“Kate, go be a man and slap him!”—Diana

“I just gave Mr. Faust an apple and he stapled it!”—Frank