*********************District Orchestra Quotes 2003********************

“Don’t you puff your cheeks out at me”—Me to Mrs. Woj

“Be the pillow”—Jess

“Maybe she was arrested”—Diana
“Oh, Diana you’re a …. Riot”—Mrs. Woj

“Diana! You’re not wearing a coat! Are you stupid?”—Helen
“No,” *thinks* “Are *you* stupid?”—Diana

**going out to eat**

(just to give you some background information… before we went to our auditions, we went out to eat at Ollies. Helen, Andrew, Kevin, and I shared a table where we were sitting right next to the smoking section so Helen was using the quote book to fan it back to the ancient lady on the other side of the “wall.” We took the batteries out of Kevin’s CD player while he was in the bathroom and when he got back he proceeded to bang it furiously off the table…. It was pretty funny. Our waitress wasn’t very bright annnndd… oh yeah: everything was covered in syrup. … including the table, utensils, plates, and even the napkins she handed us…)

“Are you ok?”—Helen
“Yeah, I didn’t get enough sleep in Faust’s class today”—Andrew

“So about poo water…”—Diana

“I wasn’t listening again”—Helen

“Oh my god, it’s last year all over again”—Diana

“I ended up falling asleep on Mrs. Woj”—Kevin
“You what??”—Diana

“It’s a lined page, I think I can figure it out”—Diana

“Hello, Kevin, I am a creamer, I deposit cream”—Diana

“I want a place mat!”—Helen
“What?”—Andrew
“I said I want a place mat”—Helen
“ohh, I thought you said you want to PLAY smat”—Andrew

“Oh, man, I inked myself”—Diana

“Maybe they clean everything with syrup”—Andrew

“You guys have to start talking slower”—Diana
“helloo diiaannaa”—Helen

“Helen, stop using the quotebook to fan smoke”—Diana

“That would be so great, synchronized crashing”—Diana

(ok, here I was inspecting the bite marks on my spoon)
“DIANA! You look FINE!”—Helen
“what?… ok, seriously, if I wanted to see myself, I’d use my knife”—Diana

“Dude, why do you have my knife?”—Helen
“I wanted to see how long it would take for you to notice”—Andrew
“I’m eating a hamburger… only my mom eats her hamburgers with knives”—Helen

“Hey, here comes our food!”—Kevin
“…right to the other table”—Andrew

“Why do you have pizza chicken?”—Andrew

“It’s supposed to be in order… it tells a little story”—Helen (about the quotebook)

“She doesn’t have time to write names, the quotes just keep on comin’”—Helen (again about the quotebook)

“You vegan”—Andrew to Helen
”…I’m eating an hamburger”

“I’d like a burger with just ledduce”—Helen (to waitress)
“No meat or bun… that’d be a cool way to order salad”—Diana
“…did you want salad?”—our waitress
“uhm… no”—Diana

“mmm, charcoal holy goodness”—Helen (about her burger)
“Dammit Helen”—Diana (I was trying to eat)

“it burns! It burns!”—Kevin
“…then … stop”—Diana

“Ahh, where’d my ice tea go?”—Kevin

“I did that today, and I woke up in health class, sleeping”—Kevin
“what?… you can’t wake up sleeping”—Diana
“I’m confused”—Kevin
“We’ll wait”—Diana
**Ten minutes later**
“ohh”—Kevin

“I was spooning my burger”—Andrew

“Would you guys stop it; you’re so stupid, I have to write down everything you say”—Diana
“There’s an onion on my onion ring!”—Kevin
“Stop it, seriously”—Diana
“I lost my onion”—Kevin

“I’d like onion rings, minus the onions”—Andrew

“Told ya they painted them red”—Kevin

“Dude”—Diana (looking at Helen’s plate)
“I’m Helen, I don’t actually eat food, I just rip it up”—Diana

“Hey we’re going out to eat!… oh wait… we ARE out to eat…nevermind”—Kevin

“Man, we just have a problem with bodily functions at this table”—Diana

“a five dollar tip? …that’s a lot”—Helen
“Yeah, she’s only got one tooth”—Andrew
“Well, maybe I’ll give her ten and she can buy another”—Diana

“Helen, if you could contain any more piddle, I think I’d die of shock… Joe Shock”—Diana

Andrew (looking up at the sign near the door): “Why was the S in “seated” erased and then rewritten?”
“Please wait to be eated”—Helen

“Stay out of this… press play”—Dale

“Kevin, he HAS batteries, you don’t need to hit him”—Diana
**end of going out to eat section**

“As the bus full of kids rides on into the sunset…”—Andrew

“I love having minions do my work for me”—Helen

“If you hit someone with your bow, it’s in the eye!”—Helen

“I was going to say something… and it might have been amusing… but I don’t remember now”—Helen

“Yes, the first stage of smat is complete”—Diana

**smat quotes**

“splat! You’ve been smatted”
“bog of smat”
“fungis smatis: infection of the smat”
“crap, I messed up… we’ll call that smudge valley”—Diana
“pit of despair”

RULES OF SMAT

Rule three: move to the next smat space… it’s your lucky day!… unless, of course, the nearest smat space is behind you

Rule eight: you become infested with fungis scalpis, move to the fungis smatis space and remain quarantined for two turns.

Rule nine: move six spaces or infest another player with fungis scalpis

**end of smat quotes**

“Helen? It looks like Buhwa”—Helen

**hockey game of fun section**

(as we climb to the top of the stairs)
“Yeah, it’s not creepy as hell in here”—Helen

“Why are we with all the old people?”—Helen

“Wouldn’t it be funny if one of those speakers fell and crushed someone?”

“I thought they said ‘if someone around you is a jerk…please notify an attendant’”—Helen

“AAAH! NOW I’m epileptic”—Diana

“aannndd number 9…. Matt Hussey!”—Announcer

“…hussy?”—Diana

“it’s funny, they use their sticks as sheep crooks”—Helen

“I LOVE you Yanni!”—Helen

“Imagine being in Yanni’s symphony orchestra”—Helen

“Yeah HUSSY!”—Diana
“Do the HUSSY! Doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot!”—Andrew

“Hey, I guess they ARE painted red…”—Helen

“That guy is the epitome of Kevin Hart”—Diana

“I was walking past a nun one day… and she was picking up a piece of trash on the ground… and I told her that she didn’t have to do that and the nun looked up at me and said ‘there are three types of people in the world, people who litter, people who walk by litter, and people who pick litter up.’ And ever since then I knew I wanted to be that third kind of person, and I hope you do too”—Satan’s speech to us on the bus
“That’s fascinating”—Diana

“I want to be that third kind of person”—Helen

“Two minutes for hooking, and 2 for…”
“Being a hussy”—Diana

(message as appeared in the school’s bulletin): The district 9 orchestra in Hangover High”
“That’s fitting”—Diana

“Tonight’s laarrgesst group—Hanover Area!”—announcer
“IT’S HANGOVER”—Diana/Helen

“it says mayor… maybe it’s haggerty”—Diana

“We love you hussy”—Helen
“I wanna see hussy in a fight”—Diana
“Heah, hussy, prove your name!”—Helen

“Aww, hussy!!”—Diana (He ran into the wall

Helen, about Satan: “I swear to god, if he starts talking to us, I’m going to shoot myself in the head” (as she hands me the quote book)

“Free donut!!”—Diana
“donut? Waa?”—Helen

**end of hockey game section**

**I love Clyde Mitchell (and I hate that Kevin Hart guy) of fun section**
(Mitchell will be referred to as CM, and evil director who looks like Kevin Hart guy will be “Satan”)

“D as in Hero”—CM

“Please take it from measure X.5”—CM

“Oh man, he took the cookies”—Harry (We put a bowl of cookies on the stage and Satan took them away)

“…and Strauss never composed anything that sounded like what you just played..”—CM

“Come on cellos… get *rough*”—CM

“You know, the oboes get the second highest pay in the orchestra”—CM
“What about the violas?”
“The violas pay the conductor”

“Where’s Erik”—CM (btw, we call him rat boy …. For obvious reasons… we hated him at districts but became sort of friends at regionals)
“Oh, I’m Erik, I morphed into a girl… I didn’t have to morph very much”-- Girl who took Erik’s seat

**end of CM/Satan section**

***END of District Orchestra 2003***